America's Unlucky Day
by forever-sweet
Summary: A fic I wrote for Frday 13th! Enjoy !


**Happy Friday 13th~! ^.^ Being the awesome feline I am, I've dropped all my other work just to write this fanfic! I feel if there was anyone who would be more terrified of Friday 13th it would be America. So enjoy~!**

**Warning: Human names, language, and Russia. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia, if I did I wouldn't have made the Revolution so sad T.T**

Alfred was currently hiding under his bed, eyes darting left and right. Why? He's come to the conclusion that someone up there most really have it out for him. "Amerika?" He changes his mind, everyone up there most have it fucking out for him! He scrunched farther in the bed and hoped that Russia would soon leave. Not likely, but the hamburger nation can dream.

_**2 Hours Earlier:**_

Alfred F. Jones (A.K.A The United States of America) was pulling up to the best restaurant in the world, Micky D's. The line of cars in the drive-up was about to spill out of the line though so he went inside: where the line was also huge. So re-thinking it he decided to go to Taco Bell's instead. Luckily this restaurant was empty.

He walked up to the counter and stared at the menu before deciding what he wanted. "Hello and welcome to Burger King! May I take your order?"

"Can I get five soft tacos, a large root bear, and a nacho to-go?" The girl just stared at him in confusion. "Sir. We don't have tacos here..."

"Don't have tacos? Are you out?"

"No-"

"Good then I'll have five tacos."

"Sir we don't sell tacos!"

"Since when!"

"Since-"

"Never mind I'll just have six nacho's then."

"We don't sell nachos either!"

"What! Please tell me you at least have the cinnamon twists!"

"No-"

"So I drove all the way here and you don't sell anything that relates to Mexican food!"

"Sir we're not-"

"See if I ever come here again!" Then he turned around and marched away, grumbling about 'the stupidity of Taco Bell not selling tacos anymore'. Once he got back on the road he saw the sign for Burger King and turned into a parking space getting out and going in.

The girl, Cindy, just shook her head and went back to watching the clock until her shift was over; another 5 hours to go. She heard the bell ring and stood up straight smiling until she saw the same guy from before walk in. "_Oh God..._"

"Hey! You're the same girl from before!"

"Hello and welcome to Burger King. May I-"

"How did you get here before me?"

"Pardon?"

"How did you get here from Taco Bell so fast!" Cindy resisted the urge to face palm at the stupidity of this man. "Sir I don't work at Taco Bell, I only work here."

"So you were behind the counter illegally?"

"No-"

"So it was a cashier exchange program?"

"Sir you're not-"

"Or! Are you a thief in disguise!"

"Sir I work-"

"That still doesn't explain how you got here from Taco Bell so fast!"

"Sir I didn't leave here! You're-"

"Who was that I saw then! An impersonator!"

"No! You-" Alfred gasped dramatically cutting her off once again. "It was your evil twin!"

"I don't have an evil twin! My name is Cindy and I only work at Burger King!"

"Cindy? Like Cindy-loo-who?" This time the temptation was too great and she did face palm this time. "Sir I'm going to have to ask you to leave if you don't order something."

"Okie Dokie! Cindy-loo-who~!" Cindy had, had enough. She tore off her uniform and yelled to her boss that she quit. Stomping out of the store she picked up a rock and threw it though Alfred's windshield.

Alfred stood in shock until the manager came around to the cash register and took his order. Once he had pain and gotten his food he drove off to his house. Biting into the burger he spat it out and stared in shock that there was mayo on it when he hadn't ordered mayo on his sandwich. Digging into the bag looking for the reciet he was going to go complain about the mayo. Only he remembered that he didn't have a reciet because he told the manager that he didn't need it. Sighing he ate the mayo burger and went to go visit Iggy.

Arthur was enjoying a cup of tea while reading a new book on the black arts when he heard his door being broken down. This caused him to pour the hot tea onto the book and his lap in surprise before Alfred entered the room and broke into obnoxious laughter. "Dude! Iggy peed his pants!" Arthur tried to take calming breaths to keep himself from doing anything un-gentlemanly like but he was quickly losing his temper. Finally he snapped, pulling out his wand he muttered darkly under his breath.

"Um Iggy? Dude?" Alfred's eyes went wide in understanding (doubtful) and he screamed in terror. "AHH! IGGY'S SUMMONING THE DEVIL!" Arthur cursed under his breath messing up the spell and a puff of smoke filled the room. "Ugh! You stupid git! You made me mess up!"

"Dude you were summoning the devil!"

"..."

"..."

A high pitched scream that Arthur covered his ears at. "MY VOICE! WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME! WHY DO I SOUND LIKE A GIRL! OHMYGOSHYOUTURNEDMEINTOAGIRL! !" Alfred was hyperventilating until Arthur slapped him (her?) across the face. "Get a hold of yourself Alfred! Even if I did turn you into a girl it will only last a few hours! So shut up you git!" Arthur wasn't even sure he was yelling in the right direction, but he didn't care because he knew Alfred couldn't see anything either.

He stumbled over to the window and opened it fanning all the smoke out. Turning around Arthur was glomped and struggled against Alfred's new 'attachments' to breath. "Alfred! Let go of me before you kill me!"

"Whoops sorry dude!" Alfred stepped back away fro, Arthur who gaped at him turned her. Alfred's hair was now near his ears and curled in slightly, it still had Nantucket sticking out the top though. Alfred had also shrunk a few inches, but was still taller than Arthur. The most noticeable changes though was that Alfred was holding Texas in her hands instead of wearing it and that her normal button-down white shirt had lost the top three buttons because of her rather large bust. "Iggy! Stop staring at my tits man!"

"W-what! I AM NOT YOU STUPID BLOODY FUCKING GIT! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!" Arthur picked up his ruined book and threw it at a retreating female Alfred.

_**Present Day:**_

And that's why Alfred was currently hiding under his bed two hours later waiting for the communist to leave his house. During all of the madness he had totally forgotten that Russia was coming over to his house that very day.

Ivan was confused as he called for Amerika, he did remember that they were to have a meeting right? "Amerika where are you?" So he just wandered around Amerika's place looking for the hamburger eating idiot who seemed to have disappeared into thin air. That's when he happened upon the alien that stayed at Amerika's place. Tony was it? "Excuse me. But do you be knowing where Amerika is?"

"He's hiding under his bed because the Limey Bastard turned him into a girl." Tony said sipping from his milkshake. Ivan blinked, one twice before the information processed through his head. "Amerika...is a girl? Is that why he tried to cancel the meeting da?"

"Yep."

Ivan thanked the weird alien before walking up the steps to Amerika's room and walking in. "Amerika?" He heard whispered cursing coming from underneath the bed as he got closer to it. Crouching down he lifted up the covers and smiled at the scowling face. "Your little Alien friend wasn't wrong. You are a girl!" Ivan wasn't sure what he had said that made the American mad enough to abandon his hiding place and pounce on the surprised Russian, but he was pretty sure he shouldn't have said it when Amerika hit him in the jaw hard enough to kill an elephant. Girl or not, Amerika still hit like Amerika. "TAKE IT BACK YOU COMMIE BASTARD!" Ivan put up his hands in surrender smiling at the red faced pissed Amerika. "Da. I did not mean to offend you, but you should probably put on a shirt that covers your chest." While Amerika was looking down in panic Ivan flipped their positions, kol'ing softly.

Alfred looked up at the commies face so close to his and cursed in his head. "_Today is sooo Friday 13th! Because there's no other way for the Hero's luck to suck this fucking badly!_"

**Hope you guys enjoyed this fic and Happy Friday 13th!**


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